I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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