oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
