tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
