Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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