We named our party play list daddy issues
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
