so explain again why im purple
no
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
