bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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