Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
