I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
