You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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