I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
