Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
