when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
