My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
