YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
