So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
