All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
