Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
