you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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