K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
