I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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