haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
