He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
