You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
lets start a swedish sibling band together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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