Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
