the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
