I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
