The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
