i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
