Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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