He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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