are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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