Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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