How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
