You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
