a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
