So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
