the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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