we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
