you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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