So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
