Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
