Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
