i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
