By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
