Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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