am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
