you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
