you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
