If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
